Archive for December, 2008

long dreams, 2008.

December 31, 2008

img_0798-2Last evening I went over to my friend Mel’s  house for Cocktail Hour. I think it’s an attempt at grown-up-ness for my friends and myself. We can tipple, yes, but only in the early evening and with snacks from the 1970s. This was only the third Cocktail Hour, and only my second as I was deep in the throes of heartache during one of them, but I’ve noticed that Cocktail Hour seems to extend by one, two, or many, many more hours. Maybe we are not as grown-up as we think? Maybe when my house is built?

Kendra and Aaron and their little dog Osa came to pick me up for Mel’s party. When I hopped into the car Osa jumped onto my lap and showered me with kisses and then, in her excitement, peed on my thigh and my velvet scarf. And here’s the thing: I DIDN’T CARE AT ALL! This leads me to wonder — in 2009 will I start wearing sweat pants and eating beans directly out of the can; or, will I not cry over spilt milk?

Tonight, I think, I’m going to NOT TIPPLE AT ALL. I want to say good-bye, proper-like, to 2008. Like a scene in an old movie. A long embrace with lips barely touching. I want to welcome 2009 with a clear head and clear eyes. Happy New Year to all of you, friends. May 2009 be filled with adventures, surprises, hopes, joys, love and a home to call one’s own. XO


can i move in, yet?

December 30, 2008


This is what I was looking at this morning. It’s nearly the same as what I’ve been looking at for the past 18 months. Except now, this morning, there is a tractor on the scene! A bona fide piece of adult equipment. I could write a sonnet, but I cannot, so I’ll just say that I’m thrilled!


The first scoopful being taken out! O, the joy. The joy!

just a snippet

December 29, 2008

oh my god, friends. I have not posted because the holidays are wild and difficult. Or, lazy and pajama-y.  Today I have very exciting news! I believe, with both fingers crossed, that we will break ground tomorrow! I plan on heading down to my lot tomorrow morning with a bottle of champagne and a few ribbon-cutting props (though I never did find a pair of large novelty scissors). I want to wear a smart suit, sensible pumps that will get stuck in the mud, and a hard hat. I hope you all will stick with me through what I imagine will be months of hell — head scratching, hair pulling, bosom pounding, etc.  I promise to post pictures of the progress, much like women chart the expanding ball of belly during  their pregnancies. Good times.

burn and burn and burn

December 22, 2008

Happy Winter Solstice. As promised, I burnt things in honor of time passing. Just slips of paper with jottings written in fat Sharpie.  Only put a few logs in the fireplace, as I knew I couldn’t dedicate a whole evening to monitoring the flames. I won’t tell you what I wrote (wouldn’t tell you what I wished for before blowing out birthday candles, mainly because I don’t like blowing out candles and spitting on cake and then sharing THAT with friends. Gross. No wonder germs spread). But I DO hope that soon I am no longer sitting in my spill (that’s a Tina-ism). My feelings are electric right now. And that’s okay. This evening, I inflated my air mattress. My dear old friend (not OLD) is visiting from NYC. She’s lived there nearly 15 years. Before Williamsburg was Little Lawrence. She lives in the West Village. She still believes that nothing exists above 14th Street. She believes Brooklyn is faraway and requires a car service to get back to happy old Manhattan. Anyway, she’s visiting tomorrow and I’m nervous. Will my Old West Lawrence shanty hold up? Where will I take her for drinks? We used to hit NY and never pay for more than one drink, what with her big beautiful eyelashes batting like crazy.  .  . And here in Lawrence? The land of despotic musicians and bartenders. . . I guess we’ll see.

baby, really, it’s cold outside

December 21, 2008


When baking, it is commonly advised that you bring your refrigerated items to room temperature. I don’t know why and since I rarely bake I just do what I’m told. I usually pull my eggs and butter out and re-read the recipe, like, 30 times before embarking on the task which is typically plenty of time for things to come to temp. Typically. Today, though, as the outside temperature never felt the pleasure of hitting double-digits, ‘room temp’ took on a whole new meaning. My butter was warmer in the refrigerator. Always trying to be a clever girl (except for when falling in love with jerks) I decided to warm my butter and my coffee in front of the fire on a makeshift table of sorts. It worked like a dream except for the few ashes in the butter (it’s walnut wood so I thought that it might impart some smokey, nutty flavor) and the fact that my cutting board is now slightly charred. Character, I think.  The result? Six dozen chocolate chip cookies to be distributed to friends and co-workers and the young boys (Me: Mrs. Robinson. Them: Seven Benjamins) across the street. 


Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice and I plan on burning some items in hopes of getting my house going soon (I GOT THE PERMIT! NO LONGER IN PURGATORY!) and, still, forgetting this stupid pain in my heart. What will you do?

first things first

December 18, 2008

Am I to believe that I’m the only one who has suffered heartache? Or is it that I really have so few readers that expecting some good how-to-wallow-in-misery ideas is rather futile? Well, as I DID fix my computer by myself I decided that I could also find my own way in this bath of despair. I turned, almost instantly, to my friend A.J.’s blog and have decided to make this. Today is my friend Kylie’s birthday and there is a little gathering at her and Dusty’s home this evening. As much as I want to continue taking baths at 7:00 PM and going to bed at 8:01 PM, I have decided that a little merriment in the honor of a close friend is due. So, I will bring along a frozen beverage and an earnest desire to celebrate. That being said, I will also think upon this quote that my friend Sorcha sent to me today:

And even in our sleep,

pain which cannot forget

falls drop by drop upon the heart,

and in our own despite,

against our will,

comes wisdom to us

by the awful grace of God.

Agamemnon – Aeschylus

research & development

December 18, 2008

I will be researching how to recover from Heartbreak this afternoon. As I’m still suffering from my cold and a heavy work schedule, I have not had adequate time to embrace the fact that, I am on the stovetop, he is in the stew. So, usual boozy blowouts, random and unnecessary purchases, and rocks thrown at strangers have not taken place to squelch this pain. If anyone has any suggestions on how you’ve dealt with having your innards torn out and left in the recycle bin, please advise. I will be posting later as I put together some exciting options. Cheers!


December 15, 2008

img_0738-2O, with the help of one Fernando I have successfully fixed my computer. I took apart the tower and all! I did get a bit sweaty and wanted to kick something really hard, but I held fast and here we are. And, before you judge, I DO know how to spell ‘skills’, it’s just that my wanky alphabet is missing some letters. Lame.

Post Script: I have NOT texted since I made my earlier declaration. Maybe 2009 will be the Year of No Texting? Doubtful. But I will use it wisely.

benevolent insantiy

December 15, 2008

My computer at home is broken which has thrown a wrench into my daily routine. I don’t have a stereo or cable. Just a crappy clock radio that doesn’t play very well; and a record player, but only a handful of records that I may decide to break anyway for personal reasons.  I use my computer to stream NPR, UGLY BETTY, and to scoot along the World Wide Web. Last week, before I got sick and before I went on my vacation, I had been thinking about the fact that I spend too much time in front of the computer. Fartin’ around checking blogs, emails, and ebay. And why?   I tried to impose some guidelines and time limits on my computer usage,  then FATE took it one step further and shut the whole operation down. The timing was okay because I was flying out the next morning, anyway. Now that I’m home, though, I realize that my main source of frustration stems from the fact that I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX A COMPUTER AND I AM ALL ALONE STARING AT THE STUPID MACHINE. 

Technology has been and is a great tool for staying connected. The telephone to hear someone’s voice from far away. Email to catch someone up or share a funny story. Facebook. . . well, I haven’t crossed that line, yet, so I’m not too sure of it’s purpose. And then there’s texting. Just two years ago I didn’t know how to send or receive a text. I then came to rely on it for directing a friend to the booth we were sitting in at a bar. Or passing along information when a phone call can’t happen. Now, I’ve taken it to places I thought I would never go. And I’m not proud of it. Sometimes the instant gratification is so intoxicating that it becomes addictive. And you forget (I forgot) that something is being lost.  Texting is possible because we have opposable thumbs. And those thumbs separate MAN from ANIMAL. But animals work on instinct, scent, sight, sound, touch. There is truth in all that. TEXTING + IMAGINATION = torture in many guises. I am now imposing a moratorium on texting. For myself. And I have an appointment this evening with a computer helpline service. I will fix my stupid computer ALL BY MYSELF (with the help of whoever has the misfortune of answering my call!)

stock in kleenex? buy buy buy

December 10, 2008

vintage ornaments

I’m hunched over the keyboard right now. Surrounded by wads of gross tissues. I have my first cold of the season and I really hope it is the last. I guess it’s never a good time to be down-and-out, but tonight I am supposed to have cocktails and snackies over at Kendra and Aaron’s house. Along with a few close other friends. Looking at how they decorated their house. I WOULD HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN INTO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, DAMN IT! Now my hair looks like raw wool recently shorn from a sheep. My nose the color of Rudolphs. And tomorrow I am to board a plane to be served up a minivaction of meatballs and heartache. I hope the  meatballs are good.